By Paula J. Caplan Ph.D (auth.)

This booklet is an exploration of a few of the mental and so­ cial-psychological components that experience created obstacles among ladies. specific awareness is paid to the daughter-mother dating. The content material is predicated on psychotherapy fabric, try out effects and conversations with sufferers and non-patients throughout a large age span. I received the cloth in my a number of roles as a clinician, researcher and theorist-and, continually, as a lady, with no matter what specified biases and designated understandings that may contain. simply because a lot of the e-book bargains with the advance of wom­ en's problems in relationships with different girls, the emphasis will frequently be on how the starting to be daughter feels in her courting along with her mom. The mother's emotions might be mentioned little or no for 2 purposes: to restrict the scope of this ebook and since a lot of what applies to the daughter additionally applies to the mummy. it is usually because of her personal reports as a daughter that the mummy encounters trouble in rearing her personal daughter or feeling com­ fortable approximately her skill to take action. however it is necessary for the reader to remember through the e-book that child-rearing is a frighten­ ing, tough activity no less than a part of the time for almost each mom. In any long term courting, one starts off to adventure one's personal wishes, and it really is easily human to need that the opposite individual within the dating (even an youngster or younger baby) could meet these needs.

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To meet the needs of others successfully, it is important to be able to separate oneself from them. One who cannot understand this separateness does not meet the needs of others; one assumes that one's own needs are the same as theirs. Thus successful nurturing involves a substantial degree of psychological separation of self from others. Though a mother may come to suppress her own needs and feelings so automatically that she begins to lose sight of what they really are, this does not necessarily decrease her sensitivity to her children's needs.

149-54) Rowbotham (1973), on the other hand, describes the way the long-term strains of that nurturant role in fact produce a feeling of emptiness: Housework can never be a normal job routine because emotion erupts in its midst. Crisis and turmoil mean that the woman has to drop everything and put Humpty together again. Friends phone, children run home screaming, the husband glowers behind his paper, the woman retreats behind a barrier of elaborate calm. Brought up to feel that she must keep things going, patch and cover up, settle everyone down, she absorbs the tension magically within herself until it is no longer evident.

The reason she gave for the frequent contact was her "close" relationship with the daughter. She not only concealed the frequency of these calls from her husband, however, but also became uneasy when talking about it. She seemed to sense that her behavior revealed her excessive dependence on her daughter. Her letter to me was a paean to the motherdaughter relationship. She wrote that while it is wonderful to have children at aU, it is "our daughters" who are reaUy special and close to us. The sex of my newborn daughter somehow destined our relationship to be a close one.

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